Christmas part 2!

Mommy arrives home with gifts from South Africa

"Hmm, do I have enough presents...?"

The result - two very happy kids. Happy for presents and VERY happy to have Mommy home.

Kristin is front row next to the "Santa"

reacting out of fear vs responding out of love

Hi there. Yes, I know – rather than the Garratt Gab it’s more like the Garratt random spurts with months in between. But rather that than nothing. And rather more human face time and less computer time. Human faces are so lovely to behold, especially when they are right in front of you, with peanut butter smeared all over them, and big trusting eyes waiting in anticipation for you to continue to love them with all that you are every second of every day and night. Quite strong competition. 

So anyway, enough about me .... no wait, it’s my blog, it’s all about me. Mowahahaha – so continuing about me .... the other day Kristin’s teacher came up to me while I was waiting for her in the car and preceded to tell me that they were having some problems with Kristin. No wait, .... and preceded to tell me IN NORWEGIAN that they were having some problems with Kristin. Never, ever forget that. All the difficult conversations, awkward moments, they all happen in this foreign tongue. I’m just saying.

So she said that Kristin and some friends were hiding away from the teachers when it was time to go in after break, - and that day they hid for 20 minutes! in the bushes outside and her teacher was so scared. 

And here is the thing, as I heard this I felt a level of warmth rise up inside of me, hot anger and emotion – negative emotions – directed towards Kristin. I greeted her angrily, telling her what I had just heard, making sure she knew that I was displeased and that we were going to deal with it later when Dad got home. I spent the afternoon angry, she had a friend over and I overheard her friend say ‘take this heart shaped ice (that they found – cute) and give it to your mom and tell her you love her’ – shame, she was obviously picking up that I was upset with Kristin. By the time Dan got home from work I was an absolute state of nerves, crying, wanting to take away every privilege known to man, and he had to calm me down, and wisely said, ‘this is the first time we’ve heard about it, we need to talk to her first and explain the seriousness of it and then if it continues we will deal with it’. I was fuming, I wanted her to be punished, and punished hard.

Why? Why was I like that? Because I was reacting out of fear, not responding out of love. And there is the problem. I so often react out of fear. Fear of what people think. Fear of the future, what if she turns out to be a delinquent? Fear. Fear. Fear. And it makes me horrible. Responding out of love, however, is what Daniel did which is why I am so grateful that HE is the father of my children. He took her on his knee, looked her in the eyes and explained what her teacher felt when she did that. Explained that we are giving her over, entrusting her to her teacher for those hours, and that her teacher needed to look after her and keep her safe. And her eyes got bigger and bigger until they welled up with tears, and she sobbed and sobbed. She had no idea that she was causing suffering, it was just a game to her. And she hasn’t done it since. 

What would it have achieved if I just punished her with minimal explanation? And it’s not so much what we actually did, it’s the why we dealt with it – that’s what I’m on about. It’s the motivation. My motivation for so much of what I do is so often fear, and it breaks down relationship.  It brings to mind what I have read recently again in the bible, when God was addressing women, knowing so well that fear would be an issue of ours:

“ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves  ... you are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”

Respond out of love. Don't react out of fear. That is what I am telling myself.

Wow!

my nephew's first objection to racism

My little adopted nephew, 2 year old Levi, made such an insightful comment the other day. It was a protest, as it were, against racism, in the simplest, most profound way ever.

He was sitting quietly listening to a long conversation my sister in law, Lillibet, was having with her daughter. As she is homeschooling they were talking about some parts of history, when some race groups have oppressed others, the conversation then – as she explained to me on the phone the other day – progressed and deepened about racism and oppression, and she used the example of Apartheid in South Africa, explaining that that is why, even now, some people would view the adoption of Levi, who is black, into a white family as negative. And so the conversation went, and ended. And after a pause, during which the little guy was silent and ponderous, he said, with a hint of protest in his little voice:

“But I am me.”

And there it is. One of the best cries against racism ever. Pure and simple. If I am me how can I be anyone else? And why do you think I should be? Out of the mouths of babes. I love it.

Carl Magnus and Anna's wedding 22 October 2011

Pictures from Kaleb's birthday party :)

 Above: The first guest, Ingrid Marlene from preschool.

Below: laid for 16 kids!!

 An excited Kaleb, at the top of the table with his best friend from preschool, Daniel, at his side. He was so confident and happy, yelling for everyone to COME AND EAT.

 The cake that dad made. It  rocked! Red cake for Lightening McQueen, he is mad about it and this is the second Lightening McQueen party he has asked for. 

 Present time! Wow! Such fun, and a little overwhelming. :)