Apple pie and doing good

"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:11+12

I have been so challenged this year, in the way I am a wife. I have, at many times and in many ways been a selfish wife. Especially during the years I was having my babies. It is a natural tendency in us all, to work life so that we benefit the maximum out of it, especially when we are needy - like through pregnancy and new born madness. My needs have often been first in my mind. My need for sleep. My need for security. My need for affirmation and love and all good things. And then there are the 'sin needs' as I call them, the need to be worshipped and to appease anxiety.

But through God's grace and Daniel's leadership (which is also a part of God's grace) I have seen more and more that I did not get married to be served. I got married to serve. In fact, I live to serve, as Jesus has commanded. And of course, Daniel does as well, so if both of us are obedient we will both be served, as is God's wonderful plan for marriage. But I do not need to be concerned with how Daniel is serving me, I need to be preoccupied with how I am serving him. We have no rights, our only right is to be obedient to Jesus and to be like Him. I want to throw away my rights just like Jesus did (Philippians 2:5-11). I have attempted to do that. And it has been so liberating! (Except for the moments when I pick them up again, but that is the story of the Christian life isn't it, constant repentance.)

I have realised afresh, through many sources (all leading from the bible) and over a few years, that I need to actively 'do good' to my husband, as it is written above. And I have deliberately found out ways to do that. Of course this is broad, and can cover the little things - like making him his favourite meals to big things like supporting him in his ministry. The point is to have a mind set, an attitude which says: how can I do good for my husband today? How can I serve him today? It turns every situation around and makes the whole goal of the day different, not centred around me. I have also often fallen into the trap that my self forgetful service is sufficient when it has stopped with the kids. Yet even if I am being Christlike and other centred with them all day, it does not excuse me from continuing to serve, by serving my husband once the kids are in bed. We don't need to have breaks from service. It should be like the air we breath! So I have rethought my evenings - and do much less leisure activities in order to serve my husband, which can mean anything from watching a movie he enjoys to organising food for him for the next day, to giving myself to him sexually.

So I have made some changes this year - very big changes and also lots of little changes, and I will share with you one of the lighter, less serious ones. It is small, but it is good for my husband none the less. I also want to share the recipe because it rocks, for those who like those sorts of things.

Daniel loves his food. He is one of those men whose whole mood can be changed by food. (Actually I am like that too.) Anyway, his absolute favourite thing ever to eat is apple pie. The traditional apple pie, not too sweet, quite plain actually - just apples and unsweetened shortcrust pastry. Pastry always seemed too hard to make, so I just wrote it off as impossible. But this year I decided to learn it because Daniel loves it and I love Daniel and making things he loves will show him that. And it really has meant so much to him. If you have a husband who loves food, find out what his best food is and learn to make it - and watch him expand (his heart that is, hopefully it won't constrict as well)!!!! It speaks to Daniel in a way I never knew it would. He said it is like eating love (ok, he really loves his food.)

The shortcrust pastry recipe that I found is so easy - and because it is unsweetened you can use it for savoury dishes too. So I thought I would share it with you, if you are so inclined, because it rocks!

(Proud parent moment: By the way, my kids planted those plants on my kitchen counter. Aren't they clever?)

The pastry only needs butter, flour and water. (Oh and a pinch of salt - which I have never really understood, how much is 'a pinch' exactly? And what if the person who invented the common 'pinch' had fat fingers, or boney fingers - significantly different sized fingers to my own.)

Anyway, for a little one you need 125g of flour and 55g of butter and 2 or 3 teaspoons of water (plus a small, random amount of salt). That can take just one apple, the green, slightly sour ones are best. I usually double that (with 5 and a half teaspoons of water rather than 6) for my one, which takes 2 apples.

Cut the hard butter (must be butter not marg) up into blocks and throw it in the flour (and x number grains of salt) and work it with your fingers until it resembles fine bread crumbs (That phrase 'resembles fine bread crumbs' irritates me so much, I think I have heard it way too often in my short life). Here's what it looks like:





Then once that is done, add the water. Now, I have before my moment of enlightenment added to little water, which makes it not bind so well. Don't be shy (within the measurements given above) - mix it in with a knife. But it won't be bound yet (is that how you spell 'bound' - is that the same as 'a dog bounded towards me' - is English weird or what? It's good I am learning another language, just in case.) It will look like this:



So, you need to do this:


That is, take it in your hands and squash it together, it's a very highly specialised technique really, one that I have perfected over months - you just put it all in your hands and press until it is bound - like a frolicking dog.

Now, once it is all one big squashed lump, wrap it in cling wrap - and forget all you have read about how poisonous and bad cling wrap is, and trust Christ for what death you are destined to suffer - and leave it in the fridge for 10 minutes, while you peel and cut the apples. (Really, I am sure someone just got hacked off with the CEO of the cling wrap company.)

Then it is pretty straight forward, roll it out, and do the pie! Pastry on the bottom, apples in the middle, pastry on the top (if you need to 'glue' the pastry together at any point, water is good for that - just rub a bit on with your finger!) Then cook it at whatever temperature for however long - be free! Be free of set oven temperatures and times. I have realised it doesn't really matter. I do it somewhere between 180 and 200 C and just watch until it's brown on top. I like to sprinkle some sugar and cinnamon - and if your husband likes it, nuts are nice to add, and raisins and rhubarb, which is a terrible name for something edible.



As women it is so easy to fall into the snare of compare - comparing our husbands to others and so being discontented with him and finding fault. Rather we should accept him as the man the Lord has given us to love and serve, and do him good all the days of our lives (not just the days we feel like it because all our needs have been met). The Lord has written into the fabric of creation certain rules - and one rule is that the more we serve a person the more we love them. It is just one of those things.

So ladies, let's use whatever gifts the Lord has given us to serve them! From making apple pie (Proverbs 31:15) to making love to him passionately (Song of Songs) and regularly (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). From being his biggest fan (Philippians 2:3) to tirelessly supporting him in his ministry (Genesis 2:18), including his ministry through secular work (whether that means weekends alone with the kids or reading long pieces of material with him). Whatever good there is to do, let us do it joyfully - to our husbands, for our Lord. If we live for ourselves instead of for Christ (which is expressed in serving others) we are robbed of the very essence of life (Matthew 16:25).

Of course, it has to be said the greatest good we can do our husbands, and anyone for that matter, is to love the Lord our God with all our heart and mind and soul. It is from that love that other love flows. Consider what the great C.S Lewis said:

"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.

Insofar as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all.

When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased." 
~ C. S. Lewis, Letters of C.S. Lewis (8 November, 1952)

The best good we can do for our husbands is to love the Lord.