fear leads to conflict

The other day Daniel and I had an argument (nothing serious). When, after we had let our emotions subside a bit, we sat to talk it over I discovered within myself the cause for the argument - fear. We always do that, after an argument or disagreement we talk it over, working to discover the reason we said, reacted, behaved in such a way. The reason for that is to get to the source of the sin, thus helping us root out the real problem, repent of the real sin, and not the presenting problem and sin. This helps us to use the conflict for our good, to improve us. In this case the presenting problem was anger - I was angry at Daniel, the real sin in my heart was fear - which is a very serious sin. And one that seems to lie beneath most of my bad behaviour. (Especially towards Daniel - bottom line is that I just want to be loved and protected by him, and the fear that I won't be or am not causes so many of my problems.)

The truth is I am afraid. I am afraid that Daniel will not love me. I am afraid for my children, my future, my health, my other relationships ... everything. The fear of sin produces so many other sins - worry and anxiety, anger towards God and Daniel because I can't control them, which I want to do in order to appease my fear, it changes how I behave towards others out of fear of rejection, and on and on and on.

Fear can ruin your life. And God tells women - because it seems to be more of a problem for women - in 1 Peter 3 - "...do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."


I have found the Christian faith to be full of surprises, even though I am as familiar with it as I am with breathing. One of the great mysteries that I have discovered in recent years, when I have quite literally been faced with every fear one could imagine is this:

I fear so much because I do not fear enough.

The end to the debilitating, life sucking, conflict causing fear is to fear the life giving God, the source of all peace. When I fear God as I should, the fears of this earth become empty.

Proverbs 14:26 + 27 says, “In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge. The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death."

Every day I ask myself this question: "What frightening thing are you fearing more than God?" Whether it is frightening or not is irrelevant, we don't need to fear it.